Joey: Diary of a retail survivor
Posted on July 5, 2007 - Filed Under Retail Survivors | - Author: Lil' Mephisto
Let’s see… A fitting way to start this project off with a bang!
I guess the most obvious way would be to start off by briefly detailing my past retail experience…
I remember being excited about the prospect of working when I was younger. I wish I could explain why I felt this way at the time, but I really can’t. One reason could be that seven years is a long time to remember trivial information such as that. Another reason could be that any feelings of excitement were ultimately crushed under the weight of seven years worth of dog food. These are both possible, and I’m not ruling them out, but I think the most likely reason is that there is no reason. I’ve come to the conclusion that no one should ever attempt to explain the thought process of a sixteen-year-old…
So I won’t.
So I was excited, for whatever reason. I thought I was finally going to make some friends who behaved in a relatively non-juvenile fashion. I was a fool if there ever was one. If you think that sixteen-year-olds are immature, you have no idea. Just imagine a grown man with a sixteen-year-old’s attitude, only with real life sexual experiences to draw from. It’s almost scary to think about.
From the time I began in retail until the time I finished, I always had a minimum of three men working with me that possessed these characteristics. My first store manager, Dave, used to perform a stunning rendition of Faith Hill’s “I can feel you breathe,” only substitute the word “breathe” with the word “queef”. And you know what? It was funny. And it’s still funny to this day. Friskie’s makes a flavor of cat food that was called “Mariner’s Catch.” My old manager Jeff used to call it “Mariner’s Snatch.” Hilarious, just hilarious!
When it comes down to it, I’m just as immature as my retail predecessors. I’m just better at hiding it. Needless to say, I learned very early on that retail wasn’t the best place to strike up an in-depth conversation about the works of T.S. Eliot… But lucky for me I was never a fan of T.S. Eliot. Instead of the supposed brilliant imagery of “The Wasteland,” I would rather listen to my old manager rant on about his past sexual escapades…which does come with it’s own respective level of imagery, albeit a slightly baser form of imagery.
This is the type of environment that I was exposed to at the age of seventeen. I spent the first five years of my career in the same store, and made some amazing friends…some that I have remained friends with to this day. From my experiences in retail I have learned that you absolutely can’t judge a book by its cover. I’ve worked with more than my fair share of ex-convicts, all of whom can be considered some of the most thoughtful people I have ever come across. Within those first five years I saw many managers and associates come and go, and with every person who came and went I could feel myself coming ever closer to becoming what we in the retail industry refer to as a “lifer.” This is a term you will hear me hearken back to on several occasions. It represents a status that nearly everyone in retail avoids like a teenager avoiding responsibility. So my transition to another store was a nice change, because even though my stint in retail was lengthening, it still felt like a much needed fresh start.
I transferred to my second store at the onset of my twenties. I was a bit hesitant to start working again. I had been enjoying my happy-go-lucky collegiate lifestyle a bit too much. I had spent a blissful six months away from PetSmart, much to the chagrin of my parents, who were spending thousands of dollars to send their youngest son to a college that he seemed destined to get booted out of. So in a desperate attempt to instil some much needed responsibility in my life, my parents ordered me back to the life that I was trying so hard to avoid.
I had quite a task ahead of me at my new store. The shelves were bare, and the management was inept. There were definitely exceptions, but all the problems seemed to stem from the store managerbut thats another story all together.
I spent about two years at this new store and had single-handedly turned it around by the time I left…just kidding. I spent those last two years avoiding direct orders and the inquisitive glances of customers…
The fact that the store looked better after I left simply made me look good.
This was brought to you courtesy of Joey : A retail survivor
(1 votes, average: 4 out of 5)
Loading ...Comments
Leave a Reply
