Confessions of a Retail Employee
Posted on August 6, 2007 - Filed Under Humour | - Author: Lil' Mephisto
Some things you should know as a customer or manager at Kohls …
Don’t get pissed when I don’t know the answer to your stupid question. No, I don’t know where every single item of clothing is in the store. Do I look like freakin’ Google.com?
Don’t ask me if something is ugly on you. I might just say yes. Your face… Oh and your mom.
I don’t care if you have the body of Angelina Jolie meets the goddess Aphrodite. If you’re over 40 what in God’s name are you doing in the Juniors department? No. The clothes will NOT flatter your body and make you look younger. In fact, you’ll look even more of a crazy old lady. Oh? What’s that? You want that shirt in an XL? SHUT THE EF UP YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE SHOPPING IN THE WOMENS CLOTHING OLD HAG.
If I have a clean table and a rack next to the dressing room…wouldn’t it make sense that the clothes goes on the RACK and not the table??!!! just a thought
Why yes. I DO enjoy cleaning up the piles of clothes along with the hangers you leave on the floor of the dressing room. …Do it again. I dare you.
Women are the most disgusting creatures on earth. Who leaves a USED PAD in the fitting room??? OBVIOUSLY YOU THINK MY DRESSING ROOM IS A BATHROOM!
No! My go back rack is not a clearance rack. It has no special percentage off it whatsoever. It’s the crap you leave in the dressing room. I am organizing it to put it back on the floor. You touch it…and die.
Don’t try to make conversation with me about how hard my job looks. I KNOW. You think I’m really going to offload on someone like you who MAKES my job what it is??
If you’re a man looking for clothing for your wife… and I find it for you, Just do yourself a favor and don’t ask questions afterwards. You look really really stupid.
I am not your slave. You want something in another size you either go to Nordstroms where they pay their employees for that kind of thing, or get it yourself lazy butt. I’m busy.
Do NOT tell me how to do my job unless you plan on replacing me when I shove a clothing rack down your throat.
the worst thing you could possibly do is start talking to me by saying, “Excuse me are you DEAF?” because now I am just thinking of all the possible ways I could respond, “No, are you PREGNANT?”
What price is that? LOOK AT THE SIGN ABOVE IT, MORON.
No, there is no additional percentage off the clearance. It is already 80% off. What more do you want, freeloader. Why don’t I just give it to you? Better yet. Why don’t I pay YOU to buy it??
When I’m folding clothes…. that means I want them to STAY folded. Don’t come up right next to me. Pick up a shirt to look at it unfolded…. and then throw it back on the shelf. I’ll dismember you.
I hate people
Thanks for telling me you didn’t want the hangers when I ALREADY PUT ALL YOUR ITEMS IN THE BAG!
“Bring…your…clothes…out…when…you…are..finished.” And no, I can’t translate that into Spanish for you. What frickin good is it when we have signs all over the store that do that and you STILL ask me where the god-forsaken CUSTOMER SERVICE is???
No, you’re wrong. It’s not my job to clean out your dressing room. That’s your job. MY job is to restrain myself from lunging at you. 
“Huddles” aka meetings, gatherings or pow-wows of management and employee should have a reader’s digest version option. That is all.
There should be a suggestion box for the suggestion box. The first suggestion would be, “Management, actually read the suggestions”. The second would be, “Actually act on them”.
I am NOT super-associate. Able to clear 5 Z’s in a single hour, leap over huge piles in dressing room, or even do three departments without breaking a sweat. Hear me roar.
Intimates can do itself. You seriously don’t even have to schedule me.
Do you ever feel like we’re being watched? Oh wait…
IIIIIIIIIIT’S GAME SHOW—I mean IT’S HUDDLE TIME!
Excuse me? Who died and made YOU a manager? God, we have six million already.
With heartfelt thanks and sympathies to lil’ Miss Brenna for that particular rant.
May the Retail Gods smile upon you! =)
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