I’m Back Baby!!!!
Posted on March 18, 2008 - Filed Under Humour - Author: Lil' Mephisto
Hey sportsfans I know you’ve all missed me well they finally let me out of the asylum (see chewed his way through the straight jacket straps and stole the face from a passing nurse to escape!) so now I can get back to my first love…
HATING CUSTOMERS!!!!
So check back shortly you heathens for some more tales of Retail Hell.
Oh and a devilish shout out to my main man and old buddy still trapped in Hell. Keep up the good fight Avman and remember…
(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
Loading ...Blockbuster Chronicled
Posted on September 4, 2007 - Filed Under Blockbuster - Author: Lil' Mephisto
Kevin stared off into the distance. His thoughts drifted to existential questions.Why am I here? What is my purpose? Where did I leave my watch this morning?
Kevin’s watch was an extraordinary object. You see, no matter how many times or locations to which he would set it, it always managed to be precisely six and a half minutes slow. It contributed to tardiness at work, dates, or any other meeting to which his arrival time was ‘vital.’ The word ‘vital’ is used in the loosest sense here, as it is of course obvious that the very thought of time is a man-made concept, and, as we all know, such concepts tend to be ridiculous to the most profound degree. It is believed that managing the location of the sun with useless pieces of metal will make you a better person. It is most probably more accurate to state that it will make you a more organized loser.
Kevin used his watch as a reminder that, no matter how in control he may feel, life will always find a way to be a jerk. He could always look at it and say, “At least you don’t work, either.”
“Well?” said the man standing in front of Kevin.
Kevin realized the man had asked him a question and since the part of his brain responsible for allowing him to care about anything the customers wanted had given up and shut down out of sheer exhaustion long ago, it had simply not registered.
“What was it you wanted, again?” responded Kevin.
The man’s face scrunched up in such a way as to reveal that he demanded strict, unwavering attention and obedience from people he did not know and had never seen before in his life.
“I want you to check your drop box for that movie.” the man growled.
“We don’t carry a movie titled ‘That.’” Kevin responded with monotone listlessness.
The man turned to his wife, who was scouring our new release wall with the determined focus of a 2 year old with Attention Deficit Disorder, or it’s shortened title, dumbass. Read more
(8 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...50 Things to know before you go shopping:
Posted on August 24, 2007 - Filed Under Humour - Author: Lil' Mephisto
1. Your cashier not your psychotherapist. A grocery/department store cashier has less than 2 minutes to impress upon you that we are not psycho bitches. We ask how your day is going to be polite, but we really don’t want to know that your house burned down and your boyfriend ran away with the babysitter after they emptied out your bank account. It’s just awkward.
2. Your cashier is not your babysitter. Toy departments are not free babysitting. Watch your darn kids, and even better, if you can, LEAVE THEM AT HOME! It’s NOT my job to keep them out of trouble, away from the candy, (cause I DON’T’ decide to display them at the counter, don’t even think of bitching to me about THAT!), or to keep them from squishing your groceries and the next person’s too. That’s YOUR job.
3. Your cashier is not your accountant. If you can’t keep track of your spending, that’s your problem, but don’t come up to the checkout without being 110% sure of how much you have to spend, and the means to do it. In other words, don’t leave your money in your car, and don’t put 400 dollars worth of shit in your cart if you only have 200.
4. And don’t come up to the counter UNTIL YOU ARE DONE SHOPPING. Take a sec in an aisle to double check your purchases, don’t decide after half unpacking your stuff that, oops, forgot something, be right back! Don’t even send your spouse through while you run to get something, you are underestimating how fast we work.
5. Some stores ask you if you want bags. That usually means they charge for them. It’s a way to encourage you to re-use your bags. The company DOES NOT MAKE THEIR MILLIONS RIPPING YOU OFF BY CHARGING YOU FOR BAGS. I mean really. Use some sense. And when asked, DO NOT pretend you can’t hear me, then ask me for “your” bags AFTER your order is rung off.
6. When asked if that is everthing off your buggy, just answer yes or not, and do check. People forget stuff ALL THE TIME. I am NOT accusing you of stealing, I am JUST DOING MY JOB. Yes, they do check for that, secret shoppers will PURPOSELY leave stuff on the bottom, just to see if I DO ask.
7. If you don’t hear me ask a question, don’t say, huh, eh, what at me like a freaking red-neck idiot. The proper response…… get ready for it………..it’s a real show stopper, this one……………you’d never, ever guess what it is…………………it …………….is……………….PARDON ME?……. Did you mother or kindergarten teacher teach you ANYTHING about manners?? Yes, you do have to use them with your lowly retail worker.
8. UMM, you old ladies out there? If you MUST chew gum, DO IT WITH YOUR MOUTH CLOSED!!
9. Oh, yah, TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE!
10. But don’t marinate in your favourite perfume. Read more
(5 votes, average: 4.8 out of 5) Loading ...Electrical Issues
Posted on August 16, 2007 - Filed Under Rules For Customers - Author: Lil' Mephisto
I think those who want to purchase electronics should be presented with a typed copy of this:
1. When Entering a store and greeted by an associate, don’t immediately say “just looking”. Would you say “Just riding” to someone who said hello to you on an elevator?
2. If you’re going to leave your home, please practice personal hygiene
3. When asked if you need help finding anything don’t say “just dreaming.” It’s not funny, it’s not cute and it’s in no way original.
4. When you tell an associate that you’re just looking you waive your right to get upset when you can’t find anyone to help you. Remember…you’re just looking.
5. If you are in a store and no one has asked you if you want help, don’t take it personal. You’re an adult, go ask an associate for assistance. Even if they are not qualified to help you, they can help find someone who is.
6. You are only entitled to the amount of respect you give.
7. If you’re on your cell phone, do not expect to be waited on.
8. Don’t ask a salesman a question while they are talking to other customers, no matter how brief your question, find someone who is free.
9. There are only three acceptable questions to ask over the phone.
a. Do you carry this?
b. How much does something cost?
c. Do you have something in stock?
Anything more complex than that … come to the store, look on the web site or here’s a thought…READ THE F*@KING MANUAL (RTFM).
10. If you’re too dumb to operate a product you’re about to buy, Don’t buy it. Read more
(13 votes, average: 4.69 out of 5) Loading ...
